Expectations and Appreciation

I used to have pretty high expectation, and the funny thing is, I never realized it at the time. I thought my expectations were just normal. Well, actually, I didn't really even see them as expectations at all. I just figured that things should work the way that they were supposed to work, and when they didn't then something was wrong. Like if I flipped on a light switch and the room didn't light up, or if the refrigerator was on the blink, or the roof was leaking, or the lawn mower wouldn't start, things like that. It was just normal to go through my life thinking that things should work, and when they didn't then it was normal to complain. It had nothing to do with my expectations being too high, or so I thought.

In fact, I used to complain all the time. Like how my dinner was too cold, or my beer was too warm, or there was nothing good to watch on television. Sometimes I'd get a double wammy, like I'd be flipping through the TV channels complaining about the lousy programming and the batteries in the remote would die. Damn it!

It seemed like the more I surrounded myself with things that were supposed to make me happy and comfortable, the more I found things to complain about. Things were supposed to be comfortable and perfect, right? But there was always something going wrong.

Now, after a few years of tent living, I realize that my expectations were ridiculously high, and my appreciation was pathetically low. But waking up to those facts was a slow process.

One of my early realizations came on a cold Winter's day a couple of years ago. It was a Saturday morning. I woke up to the sunrise lighting up the back of my tent. The wood stove had burned down to coals but it was still pretty pleasant inside, maybe 50 degrees. I got out of my warm bed, stoked the fire, started a pot of coffee on my propane stove, and stepped outside onto my plywood stoop. I was only wearing long johns so the 20-degree temperatures really hit me.

It was a beautiful Winter's day. It had snowed through the night, the air was still, and the sky was blue. A few song birds were darting about, foraging for food and perching on sunny branches trying to warm themselves after a long, cold night.

I watch birds a lot when I'm outdoors. I think about them a lot, too, because they're one of my favorite symbols of freedom. They live simply, they're pretty good at avoiding predators and staying safe, and they can fly! But they pay a high price for their freedom, like having to constantly forage for food, and spending cold Winter nights out in the elements.

I watched the birds for another minute, maybe two, but then I got cold and went back inside. The fuel in the wood stove had taken off and the inside temperature was in the 70s now. And while my morning coffee perked on the stove, I got dressed for the day. I had a wonderful, comfortable, simple, peaceful day that day. It was glorious, and I appreciated every moment.

My lifestyle is not easy. It's not what most people would call "comfortable". But it's an absolute paradise compared to the lifestyle of my animal friends, and I'm thankful for that. I have warm shelter in the Winter. I never worry about food. And I'm safe and secure. What more should I expect? I've brought very few man-made items into my life, and I've chosen them carefully. Like a poly tarp for shelter from rain and snow and Summer's heat. And a propane stove for clean, convenient heating and cooking. Things like that, but only a few, important things. Things that are simply and inexpensive. Things that rarely break and serve me well. I appreciate those things because they bring great benefits into my life.

At the same time, I have nothing bad to say about living close to Nature. She has always fully met all of my expectations. Summer is hot and Winter is cold, just as it should be. I've seen all the different sides of Nature, and I have no complaints.

I used to be soft and spoiled, living far removed from Nature and complaining all the time. I'm so thankful that I don't have to live like that anymore. Now, I live a simple life in a tent in the woods. I own almost nothing, and I am so, so very blessed. I know it's counter-intuitive, but that's how it is. The closer I've gotten to Nature, and the fewer man-made items that I've brought into my life, the more appreciative and thankful I've become. There's nothing to complain about in my life now, and so many little, simple things to be thankful for. The birds, they have things to complain about. But me, I'm by far the luckiest animal in the woods.